I was reading 1 Timothy 4 and a thought crossed my mind. As men we understand the purpose of searing meat…(it may even be biblical)…but what seems to be lost on us is the fact that our very conscience can become seared. In terms of grilling, searing has a mostly positive reputation, in terms of conscience however, negative is an understatement. Often times what we attribute to stubbornness or toughness is only explained from a biblical perspective as being seared in conscience.
“The word seared means “cauterized.” Just as a person’s flesh can be “branded” so that it becomes hard and without feeling, so a person’s conscience can be deadened. Whenever we affirm with our lips something that we deny with our lives (whether people know it or not), we deaden our consciences just a little more. Jesus made it clear that it is not religious talk or even performing miracles that qualifies a person for heaven, but doing God’s will in everyday life (Matt. 7:21–29).” Weirsbe
There is no greater or more dangerous example of this than what happens when our marriages are at risk. We begin to see a problem and instead of recognizing and dealing with the problem…we ignore it, run away, hide, or deny it. Guys we will not always get it right. In fact, we will often fail. Yet, we pretend in polite circles that all is well. We will even go so far as to put on a pretty nifty show to our friends about how amazing our marriage is…the funny thing is that the one most surprised by it all is our wife! Oh yeah, she is listening. I’m pretty sure she is floored by your evaluation, especially since your last 20 minutes in the car to your friends party were spent screaming at each other, or maybe in your situation it is a bone chilling silence that magnifies the facts of the problem.
Either way, as Godly men we cannot afford to ignore the problem. We must man up both relationally and spiritually and tell our wives we need help. Yes! That’s right, we need help. It is wise to seek help when we can’t find solutions to our own problems. It is insanity to think that ignoring them will make them better. It is dumbfounding how often we think that one more screaming match will do the trick. We will do everything BUT admit a need for help.
So, here is a tip. Ditch the acting job, silence the screams, and wake up your marriage by leading the charge for you and your wife to see someone who can help navigate the shark infested waters you have grown accustomed to living in for so long. Take you wife to a counselor. But don’t just take my word for it. Read this great article by a friend and counselor: My Advice To Husbands on the Topic of Counseling…GO!
What do you think? What keeps you from seeking the help you know your marriage needs? Why, if you know it would help won’t you take that step? Men, let’s start to lead our families…and let’s start by asking our wives if they want to see a counselor for the troubles in our marriage. In fact, here is a radical idea: instead of waiting for the problem to be a major issue, try heading it off at the pass and catch it early. I have a feeling your wife will love you for leading like this…don’t believe me? All you can do is test it out!