We had some great family reunions when I was growing up. Like probably most people, my feelings before large family gatherings were always mixed. I was always excited …but at the same time, there was also a little bit of anxiety. You know how it goes: there are some people you can’t wait to see… and then there are a handful of others who… well, let’s just say it seems less accurate to call it a “vacation” when they’re involved. They know all your buttons and are likely to push every one of them within 5 minutes of your arrival. There may be wounds that go back decades, horrifyingly embarrassing stories that get told (and retold), or insecurities that seem to attract attention like moths to a bug zapper. It seems like the more family you get in one place, the greater the odds someone is going to annoy or hurt someone else.
Here’s the thing about family, though: it’s an identity. It’s who we are. When families break apart, it’s tragic. Nobody leaves their family and remains whole. But families do break up, and all too often, it’s because of a small thing – or series of small things that are allowed to get worse over time. Like a burned finger that turns into gangrene, small wounds can fester and put your whole body in jeopardy. How you react to that initial trauma makes all the difference.
The Church – the family of God – is in a very real sense our extended family. Paul refers to it that way a lot, and – if you’ve been in church long – you’ve seen that it usually has all the drama of a big family reunion. In Ephesians 4:1-3, Paul addresses relational conflicts head on:
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
We’re fallen, so human relationships – even among believers – will inevitably be messy. It’s unfortunate, but odds are good that if we’re part of any church long enough, someone will hurt us. Or we’ll hurt someone else. And when that happens, how each of us react will affect the church’s overall health.
A really good commentary on Ephesians by Klyne Snodgrass (no kidding, that’s his name) gets right to the heart of the issue:
The NIV’s “bearing with one another in love” sounds archaic and loses the force of the text. A more appropriate translation is “putting up with each other in love.” The Christian life is a life of putting up with other people, and this tolerance finds its ability and motivation in love.
Pin Oaks is growing. Fast. This is such a blessing – we get to see God at work and even be a part of it! Our family is growing. But – like any family – the more people we pack in here, the more inevitable it becomes that you and I will run into someone who has a different agenda, personality or is just plain annoying.
How will you and I respond? How will we deal with that? Will we be willing to be humble, patient, gentle – willing to set aside “me” and “mine” for the good of the family?
I don’t have a clue what God is doing, but I know this much: it will take all of us to get there.
“An understanding of God’s work is always an attack on the ego, not to obliterate or humiliate the self, but to bring it into relation with God and to redirect its interests. In losing life, we find it.”
– Snodgrass, Ephesians, p. 195
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