Submission is Not for the Faint of Heart

There are many upsides to having small kids. For me, one of the best is that I get to watch cartoons and animated films all the time. One of my favorites is The Incredibles, about a family of super heroes. Their super powers should sound familiar: the little boy – Dash – is a blur, and runs super fast. The teenage girl can turn invisible and puts up force-fields to block people out. Mom is Elastigirl, who can twist and contort herself and reach around corners to corral her kids – or bad guys, and Dad is Mr. Incredible, who longs to relive his superhero glory days, but is currently stuck in a dead-end job in which his true talents go unappreciated.

There’s a particularly great scene where Elastigirl meets Edna Mode, who designs the costumes for all the superheroes.  While she’s there, Elastigirl discovers that her husband, Mr. Incredible, is not actually on a business trip as he said he was. She assumes the worst, and begins to sob, crying “what am I going to do?”

Edna smacks her over the head with a rolled up newspaper, and says:

What are you talking about?! You are Elastigirl! Pull-yourself-together! “What will you do?” Is this a question? You will show him you remember that he is Mr. Incredible, and you will remind him who *you* are. Well, you know where he is. Go, confront the problem. Fight! Win!

I like this speech a lot, mostly because Edna’s point is that Elastigirl has forgotten just how strong she is. Edna’s advice is perfect: remind your husband who he is, that he is better than this – and remind him that you are stronger and more valuable than he apparently realizes. Edna doesn’t allow Elastigirl to wallow in self-pity and imagine herself to be a victim. Instead, she urges her to act.

This is exactly what Paul tells wives in Ephesians 5:22-24:

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

At first glance, it looks like the New Testament was written by a bunch of chauvinist guys protecting their power base, telling women to be quiet and submit to their husbands’ every whim. But Paul’s instruction to wives requires a far more active faith and a far stronger will than that. Think about it: on what basis does Paul appeal to wives to submit to their husbands? Because men are naturally stronger? Smarter? Better leaders? No, he doesn’t say any of these things. Paul instructs women (who are often stronger, smarter and better leaders) to submit to their husbands out of reverence for Christ (vs. 21) and by means of a very active faith in Christ.

In the Garden of Eden, when marriage was first invented, Eve was made to help Adam. She was not there as simply an accessory to Adam’s kingdom or an assistant to take care of the menial details. She was created to be an active partner in displaying God’s image.

The submission Paul calls wives to here is not a position of weakness, but one of strength. Just as Edna Mode calls Elastigirl to go save her husband from himself, to save her marriage and her family because she has the ability to do it, Paul urges wives to demonstrate a Spirit-filled life and take an active role in creating the unity that is marriage. This requires the super powers that Spirit living within every believer provides.
The biblical model of marriage demands two active partners to display God’s image. Wives, will you have the strength to submit in faith – to be the strong, active partner your husband needs you to be?

1. What are your first thoughts when you think of submission? Write down the first word you think of and share that with your spouse. In your studied opinion is this what the Bible was talking about in Ephesians 5?
2. Women: what are some ways you can remind your husband “who he is?” Write down the day you will make this effort.
3. Men: In what ways have you sidelined your wife to being an accessory in your kingdom? What is one thing you can do to change that this week?
4. If marriage demands two active participants…how have you removed yourself from the marriage relationship? What can you do to change that right now?
5. Who is praying for your marriage? Ask someone you know, trust, and love to pray for your marriage this week.